Notice how I said terror and not just fear. This is for the people who, like me, were paralyzed at the thought of speaking to a room full of people, no matter how many sat in the audience. The idea of it would send me into full panic attacks.
Public speaking and giving presentations were my number one fear growing up. I tried to avoid it at all costs, from staying home sick on presentation days to begging the teacher to do long essays instead. In college, I had to give only one presentation alongside a group. I had only one slide to present in our group project, and I completely froze, couldn’t speak, and my group had to go on for me. As a graduate student, about 8 months in advance, I was told I would need to give a presentation of my work to 200 people. I barely slept those 8 months; my whole body would shake, and I couldn’t eat just thinking about it.
I explained all of this in detail because everything I found online couldn’t help me. I was reading suggestions like: go for a jog beforehand! Go for a jog? Are you kidding me? How could that help the extreme terror built over the years?
Before giving that presentation to 200 people, around that 8-month mark, I found a blog post online that changed my life. In those 8 months, I shifted my mindset and gave that presentation calmly and thoroughly. I had that post in my favorites for years, but it has now been deleted from the internet. So, whoever you are, thank you. I wish I could tell you how much your post helped me.
I am going to give you the honest path that helped me overcome this extreme fear and be comfortable giving public talks. No bullshit. I just want to help at least one person the way that blogpost helped me.
Start with breathing exercises for this current moment
Stick with me here. Find a breathing exercise to help calm you in this moment right now. This current moment where you’re at home and just thinking of doing a public talk sends you into a panic. This can help calm you before giving the talk, too. The square breathing exercise is a great one to look up.
Notice what you’re telling yourself… about yourself
The first thing to note here is what is your mind telling you is “true”? At the moment, I was telling myself things like: I don’t want to do this, I’m not good at giving presentations, everyone is going to see my hands shake, everyone is going to hear my voice shake, I won’t be able to speak the full presentation, what if I pass out in front of everyone?
I had said these things so often that I had taken it as truth. So, the first step is to change this narrative. I KNOW, it’s the most annoying thing to hear. But I spent those 8 months, every time the panic started to creep up, every day, reciting in my head: I am good at giving presentations, and I am safe when I am on stage.
Now let me tell you, I didn’t believe it one bit at the moment. Safe? Are you kidding me? The whole thing is, I didn’t feel safe on stage! It felt as though all those eyes staring at me on stage were waiting for me to fail, and I wanted out! But the reality is that we are safe. I’m not fighting a bear, even though it really feels like I’m getting geared up to do so. But I recited that mantra in my head anytime I felt the nerves creep up. And I initially felt stupid for doing it because it didn’t feel like it was helping. But just keep going. Keep going. That’s how these things work. You keep reciting it until it starts to feel true. It will take time.
Stop the snowball effect before it happens
The other aspect that is important is that these fears are like a snowball effect. So, going back to when I froze in front of everyone during my college presentation, I felt my body and hands shaking. I then started to think, “Oh my god, everyone can tell I’m shaking; they can hear my voice shake,” and that sent me deeper into the fear spiral that ended up leaving me mute in front of the whole class. So, what we want to do is stop the fear spiral.
This introduced the next mantra: My hands will shake, and I am okay. My voice will shake, and I am okay. I am good at giving presentations. I am safe.
That is the reality. Most people’s hands shake on stage. I’ve noticed it myself when watching others. Do I think anything about that person? Not at all! It is okay if your hands shake. It is okay if your voice shakes. But I’m telling you, when I first read this, I thought: it is the end of the world if my hands shake. What are you talking about? But the reality is that most people understand this feeling. Most people’s hands shake while giving talks. And nothing bad will come of someone noticing your hands shaking. The repetition of the mantras helped change that mindset and shape my view of this. Our brains are just trying to protect us, but we need to consciously step in to re-write the narrative.
The next thing I did was when in the safety of my own home, I pictured myself standing on the stage and facing a full audience. This alone sent me into a panic, but again, I said my mantra: I am safe. My hands are shaking, and that is normal. My voice is shaking, and I am safe. I am good at giving presentations.
Practice your presentation over and over again
The next important step is to practice. And I mean, practice it so many times you could say it in your sleep. This helps tremendously; every good speaker practices their talks before giving them. I can’t remember the exact number of times I practiced this talk, but it was an extreme amount. Doing this meant I was putting it into my muscle memory. I could autopilot the talk essentially.
All I would do was repeat it to myself over and over again. I am safe. I am safe. I want to give the presentation. I like to give presentations.
After some time with the basic mantras, play with the wording to something that makes you feel good. To something that fits you personally and helps you calm down even a little bit.
Be realistic
During the first presentation I gave, I looked up at the back wall instead of looking anyone in the audience in the eyes. Forget about the crap of tracking your umms or looking up at the crowd enough times while you’re starting out. We just want to survive at this point. We want to be able to walk up there and just do the thing. You can work on these things once we’ve conquered the basics. And you will. You’ll be able to conquer it all.
So, this is a journey. And it takes effort. That’s the no-bullshit part. As the years went on, I continued with my mantras. I wouldn’t eat before giving presentations so that I didn’t have to think about nausea. I practiced my presentations to the point where it felt like it was too much. I auto-piloted my talks for a while and basically said what I had practiced. It was a slow progression.
I kept going with these methods; now, 6 years after my first talk, I have done a whole lot of presentations for work, and I can look people in the eyes in the crowd when I speak. I still won’t ever wing a presentation. I’ll always practice it a minimum of three times. And I even started to eat some food before presenting!
If someone walked up to me 10 years ago and told me I would be able to do this, I’d laugh in their face. I would never think it would be possible. I spent those years terrified, shaking, nauseous, and horribly uncomfortable. But it is so worth it to be able to hear, “Can you give a 20-minute presentation next week?” and not completely spiral into a panic attack. To just be okay. You can do it too, I promise.